I once gave a speech on the effects words can have on water molecules, and how positive, loving, uplifting, and encouraging words made these amazingly beautiful and intricate molecules and negative words created almost evil looking molecules. This was based off of the experiment done by Dr Emoto. I encourage you to Google the pictures of the molecules from his study. My speech was actually about positive self talk and I surmised that because we are mostly water (60%), the same thing happens to us. I still believe this to be true. In my first blog post, I mentioned autonomic negative thoughts – ANTs and now I want to offer some strategies for getting rid of those ANTs, or at the very least reducing them and allowing yourself to move forward.
We all know someone who is a Negative Nelly (sorry if your name is Nelly, nothing personal). They never seem to have anything positive to say, and when they do it’s almost in a backhanded way. Maybe it’s the way they were raised, or perhaps it’s their molecular makeup and they just can’t help themselves. Sometimes the person is fully aware of it, and sometimes they have no idea. I seem to be a magnet for these individuals. They aren’t necessarily negative towards me, but rather they vent or just bring their negativity to me. I usually listen quietly and hold a non-judgemental space for them to get it out; hoping that it might be cathartic and help put them in a better mood. If you happen to be one of these negatively prone people I want you to know that you are loved.
We know, or at least it’s been said that your judgement of others is actually a reflection of self. When this negative person comes up with their harsh words about other people I actually ache that they feel this way; about themselves and that they see it reflected in other people. I try to reframe or even better redirect the conversation to something more positive, believing that if we take the knowledge of judgement being a reflection of what we see within, we can begin to change our thought patterns toward self love. Stick with me here, if you see someone and you start to size them up, looking for something to criticize , stop yourself and look for the positive; even if it’s just that their shoes are cool. I started doing this with my daughter at a very young age and it totally works. Today, Kaila is a very positive person, and the type of friend to lift you up and encourage you at every turn. She is always ready with a compliment. You need to surround yourself with more of these people, and you need to talk to yourself the way these people talk to you. It may even mean that you practice saying compliments over and over, force yourself each day to compliment at least one other person. The more you compliment others, the easier it is to see the good in yourself and dispel the ANTs marching around in your head. Also, when you actually compliment someone; Out loud…To their face, one of two things will happen. First, they will smile, their mood will brighten (even if it was already bright to begin with – prepare to be blinded), they will thank you and that positive energy is contagious. Second, though not always, the person will compliment you right back, which will in turn make you feel good. Either situation is a win.
Another way to train yourself towards positive self talk is to treat yourself like a toddler;
*If you’re away from home for any length of time, make sure you have snacks. We all know what happens when we get hangry, and I know I can’t be the only person who can sometimes get annoyed at my own self when I’m hungry.
*Give yourself a timeout when you need it.
*Give yourself lots of love and attention. Not in a selfish way, but you can’t pour from an empty cup so if you’re not showing yourself love how are you going to love others?
*Give yourself positive reinforcement and encouragement. When you catch yourself being negative about yourself or others stop, reframe and encourage the new frame of mind.
For many of us, walking in daily positivity is a practice and combination of all the things I’ve mentioned above. So practice it, give others grace and space to take in your compliment and kindness. If you have not practiced this, know that it will not become second nature over night, like anything we do to create permanency, we have to practice it over and over, make it a habit so that it eventually becomes who we are. Keep at it until you find yourself prone to being positive and loving yourself, and then pay it forward/pass it on; do or say something nice for/to someone else and make their day. It will make you feel even better than before, it will make the other person feel better than they did, and if they pass it on/pay it forward, think of the ripple effect you’ve just created.
Alkemy with Coach Kristin 